9/11-we won't forget-ever.

SO many mixed emotions today-grateful beyond belief for the freedom we all have her in America.
Grateful to be here on this day.
11 years ago today America....the world changed. Planes were boarded by evil people, hijacked and driven into buildings. Killing thousands. Sick. Absolutely sick.
And the entire event was caught on tv.
I was in our bedroom at 4985 Cinnamon Ct. with music on, hanging out in bed with Emma as we did most mornings...we would chill, listen to music, have her mid morning bottle and be together. Matt was in Columbus for work and a golf tourney. The phone was ringing off the hook-beginning at 9am. I didn't get it because I was was trying to feed fussy Emma (she was hardly ever fussy! just happened to be this day) her bottle. Finally at 9:45 or so I picked the phone up-it was Momm-"where's Matt? and do you know what's happening right now? Turn the tv on..." From the very moment, life as I knew it had completely changed. Forever. I was sick-can't even verbalize it. Scared, alone. And here I had this beautiful baby girl I had brought into the world. And into what world? No need to go into details of the day-its all over the internet. Very difficult times ahead. Hard to let Matt get back on a plane after all of that.
The day after 911 I attended stroller class at the Healthplex and as I am pushing E around the track, snap-my ankle broke-girl next to me heard it. I strolled right out of there, out to my car and called Matt. He had just returned from Columbus and met me in the parking lot at Mercy Hospital. I walked myself in while he and Emma hung out in the parking lot. I knew it was fractured--ex rays were done but it was "too swollen to make a definitive answer. They wrapped it up, I got crutches and out to the car I went.
We were headed out of town to the beach-Gulf Shores...had flights booked etc. but due to 911 all airports were closed for a few days-we decided to rent a van and drive down. I spent the 2 days prior calling all orthopedists to see who could cast me so I could go. Purple cast, Emma & I in the back seat, Matt & David in the front-off we went. I had to elevate my leg the whole time so I kept it on the arm rest in between David & Matt. Emma's first time at the beach! I have pics somewhere...will have to scan and get them on here. It was great to be with family-although all of the news was devastating at the time. Still hard to believe that happened. Lots of heros that day too.

loosing sleep

Not sure what is happening here but Emma has started to be afraid to fall asleep...brings back horrible memories for me from Kindergarten. Not sure what to do-trying to talk through it all with her-she is upset about Halloween, worried she won't fall asleep, having nightmares about the dent schoolhouse, is constantly reminded of it when she sees a billboard, is angry when I'm asleep and she's not so she comes into wake me up-yes, she said that. She cries & cries, ends up in my room and then we both suffer lack of sleep. Matt is traveling 247-he is home for 1 1/2 days then gone for 6 then back for 1, gone on weekends-its not a good place to be right now. Feeling like the mojo here in the house is WAY off. I am loosing my patience. Feeling like when will we ever get a break. She did so well over the summer when she came off the lexapro in beginning of June. No problems at all until 1 week ago.
Where is the balance everyone talks about? I am never in balance....I am beginning to doubt the whole thing.
As a Mom I want to fix this for her-I am going to have to figure something out-its always the Mom, right? We love our kids beyond words and hate to see them suffer in any way. I know logically she needs to try to figure this out herself-but I also know she can't do it alone. I don't want to put her back on Lexapro. Would want to explore another drug for her. But what? I love my girls so much it hurts.

at a weird place....

I am with this blog...is it time to limit what I say and do on here because its cyberspace? Or do I open it all up...tell all...reveal all thoughts and feelings? The problem with the latter is in the future, not knowing who will read this, it could get ugly. Feeling could be heart and information I tell could be shocking to some.  Many in other generations don't necessarily understand or respect blogs. To me, its a snap shot into my head and heart...into our family....a way to archive what goes on here. Especially for the future when maybe I wouldn't be around. I seem to be drawn to anything and everything old-vintage. Anything that reminds me of Grammie. Anything that reminds me of my childhood. Ashtrays, my old blue banana seat bike, recipes, my rainbow sheet and comforter set. I could go on and on. 
The girls can't understand why I forget some things-I have described my brain to them-its a carousel-something comes to the front of the carousel them spins around to the back. May not come back up to the front for awhile. Annoying. Too much in the brain. 
I'll have to think on going full throttle on here. Others have no problem doing it-its a little scary for me. 
I do feel better after being on here. We'll see...

I guess I should have put this post with our Saying Goodbye post....this one is about Petey. He was number 2 guinea pig. Emma picked him out at Petsmart one Saturday afternoon to join Pickles in the guinea pig homemade cage. I was against having guinea pigs from the beginning-mainly because I didn't know a thing about them. I re- thought my decision and suggested to Emma that she do research about them, answer some questions I have and we would re-visit the possibility. Boy, she did her job! Pages of information-how to feed, with what, how to make a cage, etc. The week before Emma's 11th birthday, we surprised her and took her to Petsmart and purchased Pickles for her. She had the cage, had spent some of her own money and now it was time for her reward-Pickles!   Pickles was the first purchase-he was the cutest out of the options. I was drawn to him because his one ear has pinkish skin with no fur on it-so cute! Luckily Emma saw him as the cutest too.
A week or 2 later, we decided to get Pickles a friend-Petey would be his name. Smaller than Pickles, cute with brown on him. They seemed to get along well except Pickles was a bit of a bully at times. Nothing horrible but would definitely show Petey who was boss.
Mid week we did notice that Petey wasn't as active as Pickles. Nothing too different-but definitely sleeping more. Then his breathing became weird-but not knowing much about Guinea Pigs we assumed he was sneezy or had a cold. Saturday after getting Petey, June 2, 2012 he passed away. Emma had been out with the Roberts all day, came home, up to check on them-the scream-I knew. Thankfully, Matt was here to assist. It was not easy on anyone. Emma chose a box from the basement-Erin Condren (the calendar's I get) which are decorate nicely to begin with. It said Celebrate Life on it. Emma further decorated it-Matt dug the hole in the backyard-its pretty back there because we have seeded the area with Wildflower seed-so many unique pretty flowers.
I have to believe in my heart that Petey was sick from day 1. It happened too quick for it to be anything else. Pickles knew. He was laying by his side when we found Petey.
Death is never ever easy. Especially, as a child its difficult to understand that death really is a part of life. Lu couldn't come outside to say goodbye. Too upset. Its hard as a Mom to watch your children hurting. Wish I could take all of that away. Unfortunately, its part of living and growing.

petey

pickles

new beginnings

Hard to believe we are here-another school year. First couple of days were easy, fun and exciting. Luckily only a 3 day week. Yesterday began the reality of it all-6th grade is going to be a challenge to say the least. Lots of tears last night and this am--lots of mouthy attitude and lots of frustration. Emma you have 2 of the very best teachers I know. Amy Arnold is your homeroom teacher-I have encourage you to discuss with her your feelings--overwhelmed, in need of slowing down-we'll see what happens. Lisa Wolfer is your other teacher. Lu had her for Kindergarten-she is trained for 6th grade and that's where she belongs. 
Lu you have Mrs. Finkbeiner-one of my favorite teachers. She is calm, relaxed and has been teaching for 27 years. So far so good in her classroom. You look so old though-grown many inches. 
I need to start praying for us! Without Daddy here for balance, we need to pull together and get through the next few years of hormones, heavy workload and life! 
I miss you at school and know SUV is the right place for you both. Its a wonderful environment that will give you the tools you need to succeed in life. After all-our job is to raise you for life beyond our nest here. 
I love both of you very much!! 
Mommy 

School's out for Summer...Alice Cooper

FINALLY! Its happened to me right in front of my face....FINALLY you came along....Crystal Waters 
An incredible song to say the least! 
School's out for Summer by Alice Cooper is another awesome song. Its going to be a busy but fun summer. Camp Ernst, Art camp, Drama camp, choir camp-all going to be fun. May has been nutty so I am looking forward to lots of down time with you both. 

Last Day!!!! 

2nd grade class

playing tug of war-5th grade party

Saying goodbye

Its never easy to do. Goodbye for a trip...for the day...until months from now....until we meet again-in Heaven. Jean Purcell Overbeck--Great Grandma Jean-has begun her journey. Its the beginning of what will be her new life in Heaven. Her sons, Kevin, David & Mark Purcell are trying to deal with this new stage. Jean is a strong woman-she raised all 3 of her sons, alone, while working in the school cafeteria at Cardinal Pachili school.  She will be reunited with her Mother whom she cared for until her death, her cats, and her true love-Frank X. Overbeck. She & Grandpa were cute together. 10 years went quickly for them, unfortunately. Jean lived next door to Grammie & Grandpa on Paxton dr. in Hyde Park. After Grammie died they started to spend more time together. It worked out well. She helped Grandpa pass on in November of 1995. He was unable to attend our wedding and we prayed for him at dinner at the reception.

She will spend her last days on earth at the New England club on Beechmont. Not a bad place-Uncle Drew and I went today to say our goodbyes until we meet Great Grandma Jean in Heaven some day. She is comfortable. Responded a bit to Drew's voice. God speed ahead Jean! Please pray for us after you get settled up there--we will see you soon! All of our love-